The Sandwich Club
Have you heard about the new club? It’s called Sandwich Club. At this point you are probably thinking along the lines of Subway or Panera. Well not really, so I will tell you about my membership & my upgraded status on December 15, 2009.
The Sandwich Generation is those caring for their children as well as their own aging parents. Your children & aging parents are the slices of bread & you are the piece of meat in the center (my choice of meat would be turkey).
There are three different levels:
Traditional: those sandwiched between aging parents who need care and/or help and their own children.
Club Sandwich: those in their 50s or 60s sandwiched between aging parents, adult children and grandchildren or those in their 30s and 40s, with young children, aging parents and grandparents.(Term coined by Carol Abaya)
Open Faced: anyone else involved in elder care. (Term coined by Carol Abaya)
My current status is the Club Sandwich; it is an upgrade from the Traditional as of December 15, 2009. This is when my husband & I opened our home to my mother. She has been through hell over the past 6-7 months. It all started with a fall back in June. Since then she had been in & out of the hospital, rehab & then home.
The idea of her to live alone failed. She had fallen again in September & landed right back in the hospital. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Her memory was very poor & couldn’t remember basic things like the soap dispenser. It was very heart breaking. Physically, she had progressed in strides.
The Healthcare Providers at the Rehab facility strongly recommended that she not live alone. What am I to do? My siblings are of no help. I really don’t have the room at my house. I had no choice & went against all of my promises to myself, not to place my parents in a nursing home or assisted living. So there it was, the decision that I never expected to make. I placed my mother in assisted living. It was a battle with her; all she wanted to do is go home. That obviously wasn’t going to happen.
Mom was discharged from rehab & off to assisted living. It took some time to adjust & she finally got use to it, although in her mind she wanted to go home. That is home to her house. She had to be brought back to reality many times. Reality is probably not a good word to use when you talk about someone with dementia. We finally came to an agreement. When we find a bigger house, my mom will live with us. That was when we turned up the heat to find a new house.
Then all of a sudden the cards all fell into place, the clouds opened up, and the seas have parted. We found the most amazing lot. It was everything we wanted.
The papers were signed & we made the decision to move mom in to our home with us for the next few months until the house is built. It is pretty expensive for assisted living (about $2,300 /month or so). We made some temporary adjustments at our home & moved her in with us just before Christmas. Her Christmas wish came true, she was home for Christmas.
So now I am a proud member of the Sandwich Club. Life has been very interesting living with mom. There are days when she has her moments, like asking the same question about five times, but we as a family have learned to deal with it.
The Sandwich Generation is those caring for their children as well as their own aging parents. Your children & aging parents are the slices of bread & you are the piece of meat in the center (my choice of meat would be turkey).
There are three different levels:
Traditional: those sandwiched between aging parents who need care and/or help and their own children.
Club Sandwich: those in their 50s or 60s sandwiched between aging parents, adult children and grandchildren or those in their 30s and 40s, with young children, aging parents and grandparents.(Term coined by Carol Abaya)
Open Faced: anyone else involved in elder care. (Term coined by Carol Abaya)
My current status is the Club Sandwich; it is an upgrade from the Traditional as of December 15, 2009. This is when my husband & I opened our home to my mother. She has been through hell over the past 6-7 months. It all started with a fall back in June. Since then she had been in & out of the hospital, rehab & then home.
The idea of her to live alone failed. She had fallen again in September & landed right back in the hospital. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Her memory was very poor & couldn’t remember basic things like the soap dispenser. It was very heart breaking. Physically, she had progressed in strides.
The Healthcare Providers at the Rehab facility strongly recommended that she not live alone. What am I to do? My siblings are of no help. I really don’t have the room at my house. I had no choice & went against all of my promises to myself, not to place my parents in a nursing home or assisted living. So there it was, the decision that I never expected to make. I placed my mother in assisted living. It was a battle with her; all she wanted to do is go home. That obviously wasn’t going to happen.
Mom was discharged from rehab & off to assisted living. It took some time to adjust & she finally got use to it, although in her mind she wanted to go home. That is home to her house. She had to be brought back to reality many times. Reality is probably not a good word to use when you talk about someone with dementia. We finally came to an agreement. When we find a bigger house, my mom will live with us. That was when we turned up the heat to find a new house.
Then all of a sudden the cards all fell into place, the clouds opened up, and the seas have parted. We found the most amazing lot. It was everything we wanted.
The papers were signed & we made the decision to move mom in to our home with us for the next few months until the house is built. It is pretty expensive for assisted living (about $2,300 /month or so). We made some temporary adjustments at our home & moved her in with us just before Christmas. Her Christmas wish came true, she was home for Christmas.
So now I am a proud member of the Sandwich Club. Life has been very interesting living with mom. There are days when she has her moments, like asking the same question about five times, but we as a family have learned to deal with it.
Comments
Moving Mom in with us was never a viable option; my DH doesn't get along with her, so it'd be too stressful for everyone involved.
She did live with us for about 3 weeks when we first moved her out from Chicago, and it put me straight into therapy for the first time in my life.
Glad you've figured out your new normal...for now!