How Do You Know When You Are Making the Right Decisions

How do you know when you are making the right decisions? I am looking for any input from those who have been through the process of caring for an elderly parent.

I am a 40 something woman caring for my 84 year old mother, in addition to my two beautiful children ages 11 & 9. This confirms I am the sandwiched generation. Over the past year, my husband & I have been faced with many decisions regarding my mother's care.

Last fall, I made the decision to place her in assisted living. It was not an easy decision, however it was the decision that I made.

During her stay, all mom did was cry & say she couldn't stay there. We came to a compromise that we would build a bigger house & she would live with us. That is when the search for a lot began & through the grace of God, we found the perfect place to meet our wants & needs.

In the interim, we moved my mother from assisted living to save on expenses. The living arrangements have been very tight in a tiny house with only one bathroom. We transformed our dining room into her bedroom & had to take a number for bathroom privileges.

Well the time finally arrived for the long awaited move. Everyone has their own room, three bathrooms, one powder room & a finished basement (in the event that my mom would no longer be able to climb the stairs). Now is the time to enjoy & relax in the new house.

Over the past week, her behavior has been very bizarre. I'm not sure if it's dementia or her being a brat? I'm beginning to think she is bipolar. She goes from being depressed to a happy grandmother, but the majority of the behavior is depression & now she is showing anger towards us.

I'm not sure how more of this behavior I can take. I can't do or day anything to make her happy. It is getting so bad it is staring to have an impact on the kids. Last Saturday I reached a breaking point & called my sister who happens to live out of state. I pleaded with her for HELP!
Hell must have frozen over, because she & my niece would hit the road the next day to pick her up & take her off my hands for at least 2 weeks.

I'm not sure how long her "vacation" will last. After one night, she told my sister that she can only stay for a day & has to go home. So let the adventures in babysitting begin for someone else. In the mean time I will regroup, come up with a plan, & enjoy not having the anchor attached to me.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I feel so sad for you and what you are going through. You need to get your mom assessed for Alzheimer's. My mom acted this way in the beginning. My mom was in her 60s though and it was more difficult to get her to comply. After years of my dad and us trying to keep her home it came time to have her placed in a nursing home. She hated it and cried but we had no choice for everyone's safety. We had guilt but as the disease progressed we knew there was no other way. As a nurse you know in your heart what will be right for your mom and when for everyone's well being. I'll pray for you and your family.
Thanks for your prayers. My plan is to set up an appointment with a Geriatric doctor at UPMC & have a full work up. Every PCP seems to just want to brush it off. I was never given a definite diagnosis. At this point I need to know for my own peace of mind.

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